NEW YEAR, NEW RULES
It's been a long time since I put up a blog post for you guys. This one isn't about outfits or eyelashes. This one is about life. It's raw, it's personal, it's me.
I've been hitting reset on nearly everything in my life this past year. I've thrown myself into a new job with a team and with artists that I love. If you don't know me that well, you may not know this - but I work in the entertainment industry. (And let's get to know each other, k? This year, I'd like to work on getting to know those of you who are following along!) Anyways, it's super fun, super exhausting and super rewarding. I'm finally back in a place in my career that I get to see the results of my hard work on a daily basis, and that makes this girl SUPER happy.
But 2017 got off to a rocky start for me. In February of 2017 my employer invited me to explore my destiny elsewhere. (I got fired. Byeeee!) Full disclosure, and I'd say this to anyone - I was MISERABLE. Despite the serious blow to my bank account and my self-esteem, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
I've taken a long, hard look at my life, inspecting every little piece to better understand myself and figure out the things that make me happy. I've got some new rules - (What up, Dua?)
1. IF IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY DON'T DO IT.
We about to get real.
I recently let go of a very special person in my life. But if you're not happy, and you've tried your very best, sometimes you have to. And it hurts. Guys, it hurts like hell. Dating is not fun - it's literally the worst. Dudes, you've got to do better. And as much as I want to tell everyone that I feel free, and wild, and happy, I just feel sad. And as difficult as it is to let that person go, sometimes it's hardest to let go of the dreams and the hopes we had for our love and our future. We were one rent payment away from a fifth-floor city view, two-bedroom paradise in downtown Nashville with our perfect golden retriever baby. Picture perfect isn't always pretty, I guess. And remember that job I hated? Well about this time is when they invited me to explore my destiny elsewhere - and that was the end of that, because no job and 2 rent payments wasn't really an option.
But God does things, guys. He does things - and in the moment we're standing there heartbroken, fearful, and vulnerable - and we just can't understand. He reveals things to us in the smallest of ways - and sometimes we're so blinded by that big pretty picture, that we fail to see the devil lying in the details, in the little things. Because we all know that the little things are really the big things.
2. IF IT'S NOT A HELL YES, IT'S A HELL NO.
I read this article on Tomato Sass - and this phrase has always stuck with me. "If it's not a HELL YES, it's a HELL NO." If it doesn't light a fire inside of you, if it doesn't make you jump out of bed in the morning, if it depletes your energy instead of re-fills you - it's a HELL NO from me. A job, a date, a friendship, a relationship, a mediocre piece of cake, a taco (though tacos are always a HELL YES).
So here I am, at the beginning of my 28th year of life - finally in a promising spot professionally, but personally, I'm struggling. I think more now than I ever have. There's a pressure that I feel - watching engagement after proposal, after wedding photo pop up on my news feed. (ugh, social media.) And every time I scroll past that Tiffany Setting diamond ring on someone else's hand, I can't help but ask God, "Why not me?" Sometimes I wonder if maybe that's not his plan for me, and I've been misguided all along. Sometimes I wonder if that's actually what I really want, or if I've been searching for something simply because southern society says I'm supposed to. (Say that 5 times fast.)
3. SPEAK YOUR TRUTH
I'm taking a heart break from anything that doesn't make my heart happy. I'm "weeding out the suck" in my life. People, jobs, clothes - whatever. I'm taking a quality over quantity, less is more approach this year. Less of me, more of Him, less taking, more giving, less spending, more saving (LOL, let's be real- that walk-in closet isn't going to fill itself.) I'm learning to speak my truth, whatever that may be. If I want it, I ask. If I feel it, I say it. I'm trying to no longer be the girl that says "IDK what do you want?" when someone asks me what I want to eat. (The answer is almost always tacos.) I'm giving myself an opinion and a voice, in an industry where a young female's voice is the last thing some want to hear. I'm presenting myself as I am, raw and unapologetic.
I didn't write this to give you advice, because Lord knows I can't even help myself. (No really, I have every motivational self-help book there is, and yet here we are...) I guess all I can really say is pay attention to what gives you that little flutter in your tummy - and do A LOT more of that, and A LOT less of things that don't.
Here's a playlist I put together of all of the songs that have been my driving force for following my new rules. Some country, some pop. Just a collection of songs that give me the #feels.
xoxo for now.